What Would You Do?
Quiz.
You are a soap opera hero/heroine. What do you do?
1. You are newly married to a hot guy who loves you like crazy but has a hero complex and is always rescuing damsels in distress. You find out he has been helping out a friend, who happens to be a noted damsel in distress. Do you:
(a) throw a jealous hissy fit, demand that he never see her again, and storm out, eventually leading to the breakdown of your marriage when he continues to help her while you are in a spiral of irrational jealousy, driving him into her arms and you into an unnecessary divorce;
(b) say it’s okay but secretly follow them around hoping for some sign of infidelity and not telling him why you’re always upset, catching them in circumstances that appear compromising but aren’t really, putting all of you in danger several times before eventually driving him away with your general nuttiness; or
(c) throw a jealous hissy fit, admit you want to demand he never see her again, but realise that that’s just stupid and immature and he loves you and you love him, and get over it and go home and have hot sex even though you only had an emergency c-section a couple of weeks ago?
2. You are a single woman who had an affair with a married man, who you’re really in love with, but you’ve called it off because you both felt awful about hurting other people. You find out you’re pregnant and the father is either the married man you love, or your ex-husband who is currently actively hating you. Do you:
(a) not tell anyone you are pregnant, especially not the potential fathers, and sneak around trying to get DNA samples to prove whose child it is until the point where your boyfriend’s wife finds out and all hell breaks loose;
(b) tell everyone you’re pregnant but pass the baby off as the child of a close friend and fake a relationship with him so that neither of the potential actual fathers can try and take the child away from you, potentially keeping up the charade until your rapidly aged child unknowingly starts dating his or her half-sibling; or
(c) take the first real opportunity that comes up to snog your married boyfriend in an entirely hot manner and then to sit down and tell him the whole story in a calm and rational manner, discuss doing a DNA test and figuring it out from there, all without bashing the other potential father?
3. You are a married man who is trying to make your marriage to your hypocritical wife with bad hair extensions work for the sake of your annoying child, even though you’re really still in love with your former mistress/close friend. She tells you she’s pregnant and it may or may not be yours. Do you:
(a) throw a fit that she hasn’t told you before now, tell her that it’s going to wreck your life and your marriage and that she’s a slut for sleeping with her ex-husband when she was having an affair with you, and that your marriage is all that matters so either way she’s on her own:
(b) be disappointed that she didn’t tell you before now, but really quite pleased, especially since she couldn’t possibly raise the child as a single mother and therefore it might be a good opportunity for you to seek custody for you and your wife, so the baby could replace your daughter who died; or
(c) be disappointed she didn’t tell you before now because it must have been awful going through it alone, being supportive to the point that it’s apparent that even if it weren’t your kid you’d be there to support her as a friend, and rationally discuss DNA tests and working out a way to be a part of the child’s life if it’s yours?
4. You are a one-eyed, one kidneyed hospice orderly who doesn’t remember anything before waking up in a crappy hotel 15 years ago. A patient comes into the hospice and says he’s your brother and you’ve been presumed dead, and proves it with a DNA test, taking you home to meet, among others, your widow. You still don’t remember anything. Do you:
(a) refuse to listen to any stories of your past, preferring instead to run back to where you came from and shun your family;
(b) refuse to trust what anyone is telling your because DNA test or no DNA test they really have to be making this stuff up for some sinister purpose, especially the bit about a presumed dead first wife, three weddings and your mute fiancé suddenly being able to speak just in time to recite her wedding vows; or
(c) calmly listen to some insane stories, admit that you really aren’t remembering anything new, but hang out with your wife anyway because you think she’s kind of cute no matter what you do and don’t remember, and ask to meet your child?
If you answered (a) to each of the above, I congratulate you on your level of soap opera viewing experience. You know how these things work: where there’s a rational route to take, the characters will always take the least rational route in order to string out the drama.
If you answered (b) you’re also doing pretty well, though you’re the type that fears the worst, most dragged out resolution to every story.
If you answered (c), then you, like me, have been watching Zach and Kendall on AMC, Nick and Phyllis on Y&R, and Steve and Kayla on Days this week, and have been stunned with the outbreak of rational behaviour, good dialogue, character growth, and general all around hotness.
I truly cannot believe it. It’s so rare to see one show handle a storyline in a truly satisfactory manner, let alone three at once. But don’t worry, I know it won’t last for either the shows or the individual stories, but I’m going to revel in it while it’s there.
And, as usual, fast forward the rest.
Filed under: All My Children, Days of Our Lives, The Young & The Restless | Closed
